KMPH FOX 26 | Central San Joaquin Valley News SourceMommy Monday: Keeping Your Marriage Fresh

By Alissa Forester

As I think back to before we had kids, we had a glorious five years together to do whatever the heck we wanted. We were both in school at the time, living in San Francisco. We were busy for sure- Dave sometimes was at school for twelve hours in a day, and both of us had to study. But we got to play too! We went out to dinner, went to Giants games (I think one year we went to over twenty!), took trips to the snow to go snowboarding... We have so many amazing memories, doing things that brought us closer together, that made our hearts turn.

And now....sigh. Now Dave comes home after work to me trying to fix dinner for us while coaxing our kids to eat their food. Logan is throwing everything on the floor, and Sydney is practically being force-fed. The Bermuda triangle continues to bath time, and the struggle to get kids dried off and jammies on is usually evaded by a rogue naked baby running into the living room sopping wet. Dave and I shove our dinner down our throats, and tag-team brushing teeth and putting the kids down. And lately, the bedtime thing has extended to be 30 minutes to an hour long, with multiple times of having to put Sydney back to bed (she's hungry, she's thirsty, she wants four Kix, Captain Hook is going to get her).

In all of this craziness, we are lucky to have a conversation over brushing our teeth before bed. Don't get me wrong- I wouldn't change anything. We play and laugh together as a family all night. There is so much joy in the chaos. But do I actually spend time with my husband? Do I talk to him? Have a conversation? At least one deeper than "get in here! Sydney has to pee!"

We crave one on one time together, like we used to have. It is so easy, even automatic to get too busy for our marriage. We don't have time for each other, and we are so dang tired, that communication and intimacy go out the door. It is much easier to not make an effort to improve our marriage, but making the effort is so worth it.

Keeping your Marriage Fresh:

-Open up lines of communication- talk about what's going on, even if it is uncomfortable and awkward.

- Be on the same team- Refocus your outlook and talk about it. Look out for each other instead of for yourself, and when both people do this, everyone is being taken care of.

- Be intentional- do whatever you can to connect with your spouse.

Applications:

-Date night- spend an evening together without the kids. You don't have to spend money, just spend time together. This is good to do on a regular basis.

-Be selfless- even if your needs aren't being met, meet your spouses needs (even if they don't deserve it).

-PDAs- public displays of affection. Whatever this means to you- hold hands, touch their shoulder, give a kiss.

-Look back- remember what used to energize you as a couple before you had kids, and revisit them! For us it was going to Giants games and going snowboarding. If we make an effort to do these things together (without kids), it will build us up, develop our friendship, and bring us together.

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You can read Alissa's blog at: www.happyhourmom.com